NORMAL, Ill. — For Sosi Dadekian, confidence used to be fragile.
One mistake could change the course of an entire practice. A missed pass or misplaced touch could linger in her mind long after the play was over.
At Illinois, where she spent her freshman season, she was at the highest level she had experienced, but she wasn't playing much.
She saw just 12 minutes of game action, spending most of her freshman season learning from the sideline and competing in practice. The experience showed her what it would take to play at a high level, but it also took something from her.
"I just wasn't mentally confident," Dadekian said. "I lost some confidence with soccer and even had some mental struggles outside of that socially."
A year later, Dadekian is back home.
And she's more like herself again.
The Bloomington native transferred from Illinois to Illinois State, returning to the area where her soccer career began and joining a Redbird team that believed in her before she had completely regained that belief in herself.
A natural fit
During the recruiting process at Bloomington High School, Dadekian initially thought she wanted to go far from home. But as the process became increasingly stressful, she narrowed her options and ultimately committed to Illinois during her junior year.
Her freshman season in Champaign brought valuable lessons, new friendships and a chance to experience Big Ten soccer. But it also made it difficult for her to maintain confidence.
When she entered the transfer portal, Dadekian knew she wanted to remain in the Midwest.
Illinois State quickly became a natural fit.
Her visit to Normal came on a particularly cold day, but the weather didn't keep Dadekian from seeing what Illinois State could offer.
She already knew several Redbirds from playing club soccer with Peoria City, including Rylann Law and Sammi Cenek. She was also drawn to the coaching staff, particularly the attention given to the defensive side of the game, while her previous connection with assistant coach Ethan Fineman through Peoria City gave her another familiar face.
Even the smallest moments from Dadekian's visit to Normal stuck with her.
At one point, associate head coach Kurt Albrecht began recommending places for Dadekian and her parents to grab lunch, only to realize he was giving restaurant suggestions to someone who had grown up in the area.
"We were like, 'Oh, we're from here,'" Sosi said with a laugh. "He just kept forgetting because they're so used to giving everyone recommendations."
After touring the campus, meeting the team and sharing some laughs, Dadekian felt comfortable imagining herself as a Redbird.
"I kind of, in my head, knew I was gonna come here," Dadekian said.
For head coach Raleigh DeRose, the fit went beyond familiarity.
DeRose saw a technical player who could find teammates with her feet, make quality passes and create opportunities after winning possession.
But Illinois State wasn't simply getting a player with technical ability.
It was getting a player who needed a place to rebuild.
Rebuilding confidence
Dadekian had a conversation with the coaching staff early in the spring that allowed her to open up about what she had experienced at Illinois. The coaches listened. From there, they continued to encourage her — in practices, through messages and simply by checking in.
The support made a difference.
"I definitely have gained a lot of it back," Dadekian said of her confidence. "My confidence is definitely back up."
The Redbirds gave her a place where she could be herself while also challenging her to grow.
That growth became especially noticeable during the preseason.
Dadekian had what DeRose described as breakthrough games, moments that showed the coaching staff she was ready to become a significant part of the team.
As the season has progressed, Dadekian has become more comfortable.
She has also taken on a larger role than she had at Illinois, starting for the Redbirds in every game so far this season and playing in the midfield — a position she hadn't played in several years.
The new position has brought its own challenges.
Dadekian has had to become more offensive-minded after spending much of her career thinking defensively. But instead of allowing mistakes to consume her, she's learning to move on.
"I'm proud of myself for just staying confident in myself," Dadekian said. "That was something I really struggled with, was one mistake, and I just — my practice is ruined. So I think I've become better at that."
That may be the biggest difference between the player who left Illinois and the one now wearing an Illinois State jersey.
She still makes mistakes.
She still gets nervous.
But they don't define the rest of her day anymore.
Always in her corner
The people who have known Dadekian the longest are getting to see that change firsthand.
Her family has followed her soccer career wherever it has taken her. When she played at Illinois, her father drove to watch her play on trips as far away as Seattle and the East Coast. Her grandparents, who live in Decatur, regularly make the trip to watch her. Her brothers keep up through texts and broadcasts when they can't attend.
Her mother has become a familiar presence on the sidelines, too, taking pictures of the entire team and staying up late to edit and upload them for the players. Her support has become something the Redbirds appreciate just as much as her daughter does.
"She's always been there for me, even if she does me dirty in her Instagram posts with bad action shots of me," Dadekian said with a laugh.
Now, her family can watch her just a short drive from the place where she grew up.
From the Adelaide Street Field press box, a group of supporters wearing shirts with Dadekian's name on them can often be spotted in the stands.
For Dadekian, their presence isn't a surprise.
"They would always show up," she said. "I never have a doubt that they won't show up for me, because they're always there for me."
They have seen the highs and lows.
They saw her play in Bloomington.
They followed her to Illinois.
And now, they're watching her regain the confidence that had slipped away.
Now that she is back home, Dadekian hopes her story can show younger soccer players in Bloomington what's possible.Â
Growing up in Central Illinois, she knows it can sometimes feel like there aren't as many opportunities or as much recognition for soccer players as there are in other areas. But she also knows firsthand that the path to playing at the next level doesn't have to look one specific way.
It can mean leaving home.
It can mean transferring.
And it can mean coming back.
"I hope they just see and feel that it's possible to play at the next level," Dadekian said. "It's also possible to stay super close to home and really succeed."
For Dadekian, coming home has become about more than playing soccer near the people who have always supported her.
It's about becoming comfortable enough to trust herself again.
The family in the stands always believed that player was there.
Now, Dadekian is starting to believe it, too.
